I think menopause gets a bad rap. Sure, I sweat profusely every time I drink my morning coffee or or glass of wine or really at any moment, but especially when I'm excitable. Just the other day I looked like I got caught in a rain shower after leaving Home Depot, but I think the fact that I was covered in perspiration is what got the "customer service" chick to notice me in the first place. That and the pacing and cursing under my breath.
And does a thick, black ingrown hair make an appearance in the same spot on my chin every week like clockwork? I suppose, but it feels sooo good when I tweeze it. It's like opening a bottle of champagne but even better because I don't have to worry about the cork poking my eye out, a la the BB gun in "A Christmas Story."
Yes, there is the brain fog. For example, I have no idea why I titled this post what I did. I don't hate kale. I'm more indifferent. My real issue with kale is the publicity it gets in comparison to other more worthy vegetables, such as broccoli. Kale is like the Katy Perry of the vegetable world, which I suppose would make Taylor Swift broccoli though she also gets publicity. I'm sure there's a better analogy but I'll leave that to someone who doesn't have brain fog to come up with.
My neck is saggy, but that's probably not a product of menopause as much as it is plain old gravity (which would also explain the breasts). I could just wear scarves - on the neck, not the breasts - but when I have in the past my husband calls me Maude, as in Bea Arthur's Maude. Though there are worse insults, because that Golden Girls is a funny show. One night, I'm not joking, I watched five episodes in a row. What's more strange than me watching five shows is that some network actually aired five episodes in a row.
The most obvious benefit of menopause is that you don't have to worry about birth control - the sweating, black hair on the chin, and saggy neck and breasts all have that covered just fine! Which leaves me more time to eat broccoli. Which I love.
And does a thick, black ingrown hair make an appearance in the same spot on my chin every week like clockwork? I suppose, but it feels sooo good when I tweeze it. It's like opening a bottle of champagne but even better because I don't have to worry about the cork poking my eye out, a la the BB gun in "A Christmas Story."
Yes, there is the brain fog. For example, I have no idea why I titled this post what I did. I don't hate kale. I'm more indifferent. My real issue with kale is the publicity it gets in comparison to other more worthy vegetables, such as broccoli. Kale is like the Katy Perry of the vegetable world, which I suppose would make Taylor Swift broccoli though she also gets publicity. I'm sure there's a better analogy but I'll leave that to someone who doesn't have brain fog to come up with.
My neck is saggy, but that's probably not a product of menopause as much as it is plain old gravity (which would also explain the breasts). I could just wear scarves - on the neck, not the breasts - but when I have in the past my husband calls me Maude, as in Bea Arthur's Maude. Though there are worse insults, because that Golden Girls is a funny show. One night, I'm not joking, I watched five episodes in a row. What's more strange than me watching five shows is that some network actually aired five episodes in a row.
The most obvious benefit of menopause is that you don't have to worry about birth control - the sweating, black hair on the chin, and saggy neck and breasts all have that covered just fine! Which leaves me more time to eat broccoli. Which I love.
"Vegetable Compound? Does that mean more kale?"
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